Stop treating your team members like children
We need fewer leaders mimicking the role of an overprotective parent and more who know how to empower their team members to have independence, responsibility, and a real voice in the workplace. There are too many managers who treat their employees like children creating toxic work environments that undermine your retention efforts. BIPOC and women professionals are often impacted the most by this type of poor management from untrained leaders.
If your organization is experiencing high turnover and complaints about management, morale, and productivity, then it’s time to take a look at the behaviors from up top. Right now, you might have managers who are stifling your brilliant team members and are in need of leadership development training or coaching to improve their communication, enhance their decision-making skills, manage conflict better, and become more self-aware.
The bottom line is: you’ve got to stop treating your team members like your children.
Here are some ways that managers treating their employees like children can create high dissatisfaction, ruin psychological safety, and increase turnover in your teams:
Undermining Autonomy (We all need a sense of independence)
In the simplest terms, having autonomy is the ability to make decisions based on your own values, interests, or desires. As professionals, we crave that freedom to think and act on our own because we want to feel a sense of ownership and control over our own work.
And so, when we enter work dynamics with a leader who micromanages or is overbearing, we feel discouraged or unable to do our best. To give you an example, I had one client who started to become anxious at the start and end of every workday because their manager would often physically hover around her cubicle, disrupt her work to take over things and send lengthy emails of critique (that would often come unexpectedly, even during off hours).
My client felt like every move she made, even how she spoke naturally and authentically was being overcorrected. In hopes to improve their working relationship, they brought specific feedback to their manager to address the disconnect in communication, leadership, and delegation styles. But unfortunately, their manager had difficulty receiving critiques without being defensive and reactive.
Despite numerous attempts from our client to self-advocate, manage up effectively, and improve the working relationship, the uncomfortable dynamic of her boss micromanaging and critiquing her every move continued, and nothing seemed to change. And, eventually, she made the choice to move on to another company and work with a manager that understood the importance of trust in their relationship and autonomy in her role.
She’s not alone in feeling like leaving was her only choice, many of my clients and peers have done the same (some have done so quietly).
2. The infantilization of Women of Color (cringe-worthy moments that shouldn’t happen)
To infantilize someone is the act of treating them as if they were a child, even if they’re an adult. Some examples of this behavior are by speaking to others in a condescending manner, making decisions for someone else without their input, or assuming someone is incapable of completing tasks on their own.
Now when you apply this to a work environment, here are some examples of how managers can infantilize their very own team members:
Micromanaging: Going to the extreme with constant check-ins and close monitoring
Talking down to others with the assumption that they are not at your level of understanding, intelligence, and experience
Making decisions for others without their input
Assigning tasks that are below your team member’s skill level
Punishing mistakes
As a shorty, 4’11” Filipina woman, my entire career has been negatively shaped because I historically have looked younger than I really am, a commonly shared challenge by BIPOC and people from the Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander (AANHPI) community experience.
Examples of how infantilization occurred during my time working in the corporate world, there were diminishing comments often made about my height, appeared young age, and unnecessary questioning about my authority and expertise (even as a top performer and confident, outspoken leader), from my management team and C-suite.
Just like all of our clients who are BIPOC women leaders, I knew I was up against bias and was being treated like a child, even as a grown adult, in a way I observed my non-WOC and non-AANHPI colleagues weren’t
And for anyone who dares to question the validity of this harm, it’s critical to note that these actions and behaviors also manifest into the bias that has the power to stall and hold back an individual’s career.
Not only is being treated like a child at work degrading, but it can be a direct link to you being passed over for a promotion and career advancement, because the decision-makers don’t think you’re leadership material, despite having the experience, expertise, and credibility.
It also has come through in the internalized oppression I have had to overcome and continue to help many of my clients move beyond.
I’ve constantly battled with all the thoughts of not enough-ness that center on being a short, petite Asian woman.
I’ve felt invisible, not senior enough, not experienced enough, not mature enough, not beautiful enough, not assertive enough — you name it, I’ve got it, even as I flow further and further into my 30s.
I made a more detailed LinkedIn post about it here.
But I’d like to point out some of the comments I got from other people who’ve had similar experiences:
Those were only three of over 100 comments I received under this post, making it obvious that this happens way more than it’s ever talked about.
Re-learning what it means to be an effective leader
So how can we become a generation of impactful and effective leaders that trust their team members, delegate with confidence, and emphasize respect and autonomy? Especially if, like many of our BIPOC women clients, have never seen that many positive examples of human-centered and equitable leaders.
Well, it starts with each of us as individuals and looking at our own understanding of what it means to be a leader and creating our own vision for it. Think about the positive and negative experiences you’ve had with the leaders in your life. What would you take with you and what would you leave behind?
Visioning like this is such a great tool because it creates a clear picture of where you want to grow. My leadership is centered in humanity, love, confidence, healing, honesty, and collaboration. Those are the qualities and values that matter the most to me because it’s what I needed the most throughout my career.
My team and I are on a mission to shake things up and embrace a new kind of leadership that is more collaborative, human-centered, and equitable for BIPOC professionals. We believe empowering your team members to take ownership of their role outcomes and responsibilities along with having a real voice in the workplace is essential to building thriving workplaces. And it all starts by acknowledging and unlearning what does not serve the greater good.
My team and I at Real You Leadership offer experiential workshops, manager training, and leadership coaching programs that directly support your entire organization. Professional development efforts shouldn’t just be “nice-to-haves”, but taking the initiative to invest in what truly matters.
Leadership & Negotiation Coach for Women of Color in Technology|Founder|Workshop Facilitator, Speaker & Trainer
Nadia’s career and leadership expertise has been featured in CNBC, HuffPost, FastCompany, New York Times Kids, and The Muse.
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